Sex Scenes: 5 Golden Girls

Originally published at SpoutBlog:

Sex Scenes: 5 Golden Girls

Recently, at age 50, Emma Thompson became a first-time blogger – a term which, according to her, “as a computer illiterate, I get confused with ‘snog’ (British slang for kissing) and ‘shog’ (Shakespearian word used by Pistol in Henry V meaning ‘leave’) neither of which – I realize – is the correct interpretation.” The email missive posted by Melissa Silverstein was part of Thompson’s promotion for “Last Chance Harvey,” an older-woman-meets-even-older-man romance co-starring Dustin Hoffman (ah, but for the days of Mrs. Robinson!)

The still-radiant Thompson expresses relief that maturity has given her the freedom to let it all hang out rather than nip and tuck it all back in, but she ain’t got nothing on a few women a decade and more older whose sex appeal (plastic surgery aside) is decidedly more French Riviera than Fort Lauderdale. So to welcome this seasoned British actress/ blogging novice to the wild wild world of cyberspace, here are my picks for an international GGILF club.

Sigourney Weaver, b. 1949, U.S.
I once saw the stunning, six-foot-tall Sigourney Weaver up close at a film festival, and though she tried to downplay her looks with sensible glasses and blue jeans, she could still make the young – and old – Dustin Hoffman squirm. With those killer legs that could both lure and kick ass equally Weaver battled terrifying extraterrestrials and silly spirits in the “Alien” and “Ghostbusters” franchises, respectively, took torturous revenge in Roman Polanski’s “Death and the Maiden,” and became buddies with King Kong’s little cousins in Michael Apted’s “Gorillas in the Mist.” Indeed, Johnny Depp notwithstanding, Weaver just may be the big screen’s sexiest swashbuckler of all time.

Helen Mirren, b. 1945, England
Mirren was once known in the U.K. as the actress who could be counted on to “get her kit off” (and if you don’t know what that means ask Emma Thompson). More recently she went the prim and proper route with Stephen Frears’ “The Queen,” which was an acting triumph for Mirren not so much for her impersonation of Her Royal Highness, but for the steamy sixty-something’s ability to place a firm lid on her sexuality, to keep that metaphorical kit on. Remember, this is the same woman who played a part-time hooker in Matthew Chapman’s “Hussy” – not to mention her stint in Tinto Brass’ X-rated “Caligula”! Heck, even Mirren’s Detective Chief Inspector Jane Tennison of the “Prime Suspect” series still looks to be a better lay than any in the cast of CSI.

Sophia Loren, b. 1934, Italy
Obviously. If not for her loyal love of hubby Carlo Ponti, Loren’s road to the top could just as easily have been paved with the bodies of one-night-stands. This is a lady who caused no-slouch stars from Cary Grant to Peter Sellers to swoon madly in her presence; even today her adult son Carlo Jr. claims it’s like being seen with The Beatles when he’s out in public with his seventy-four-year-old Italian mama. So if you’re a red-blooded hetero male or homo female and you’d kick Loren out of bed tonight you need to re-examine your sexuality, not any ageism. Ditto for –

Catherine Deneuve, b. 1943, France
Brangelina ain’t got nothing on what was once the sexiest couple of all time, the dazzling Deneuve and the equally jaw-dropping Marcello Mastroianni. From Bunuel to Polanski, it was Deneuve’s magnetism that allowed her to work with some of the greatest filmmakers of all time. After all, what male director is going to turn down the chance to spend months on end with a blonde aphrodisiac?

Pam Grier, b. 1949, U.S.
And lastly there’s Foxy Brown herself, Pam Grier. What, you thought Tarantino wasn’t thinking with his dick when he came up with the idea for “Jackie Brown”? Not to mention Roger Ebert in his review of Jack Hill’s “Coffy” over three decades ago. Like her fellow American, soon-to-be-sixty sex goddess Sigourney Weaver, Grier always perfectly embodied tough and tender heroines who could whip the baddies like a dominatrix and leave the audience breathlessly begging for more. No doubt both golden sirens will be celebrating the big six-o this year with an emphasis on the “o.”