Preacher Man

Watching Henry Rollins’ heavily hyped new show on the Independent Film Channel last season, I couldn’t help but cringe as the middle-aged punk rocker, absurdly deferential and so clearly out of his league, interviewed the director Werner Herzog. I realized Rollins’ problem is that in his thirst for knowledge he devours facts that he is unable to digest, only spew them back up like after a bad drinking binge. He's an intellectual poseur, a geek wanna-be, and what's so ironic and disturbing is that he's going against one of the founding tenets of punk rock – just be yourself. Longing to be part of an intelligentsia far out of his reach, Rollins ignores his own talents – is unaware of his own limitations. (It's as delusional as me thinking that if I read enough books about black holes I can ditch the writing and hang out with Stephen Hawking instead!)

The quintessential moment came during a segment showing Rollins typing a tongue-in-cheek letter to ultraconservative pundit Ann Coulter, who undoubtedly wouldn’t know Rollins from a roach spray salesman (or did she, in fact, meet him when the singer achieved what was likely the highlight of his life, appearing on her friend Bill Maher’s “Politically Incorrect”? I could picture Ann and Bill in a prizefighting debate while Rollins looked on like an eager puppy begging to jump in, oblivious to the truth, that no matter how hard he worked he’d never have the skills to turn pro). Yet what bothered me most were his smart-ass suggestions to her, that the Bush cheerleader become his “domestic concubine” who would just “shut the fuck up” and worship him. Hot and bothered me most. With every “shut the fuck up” typed by fingers connected to those brawny tattooed arms I imagined dropping further and further to my knees in adoring submission until I would finally take that punk rock cock in my mouth. So in a sense my sexual frustration watching the beefcake Rollins mirrored his own frustration with himself. I would fuck him in a heartbeat, I thought, if he would only just “shut the fuck up.”