007 as XXX

“Casino Royale” is the best gay porn of the year, not least because its lead actor passes for a high-end escort. If not for the RADA training, Daniel Craig certainly would have been in the blue. Like all actors he’s a shameless exhibitionist, only most actors have a love/hate relationship with the spotlight. They love the attention of the audience and loathe being (emotionally) naked in front of one. Not Daniel Craig. He, like Dame Helen Mirren (another alt-universe porn star) seems to thrive on the risk inherent in baring one’s body and soul. (And if there’s any doubt that Daniel Craig’s proudly gay-for-pay, check out his rough trade chops in “Infamous” and “Love Is the Devil” – the DVD cover art alone screaming “rent me!”)

But pound for beefy pound, “Casino Royale” itself should have swept the GAYVN Awards. Cue theme music.

Exhibit A:

Daniel Craig’s James Bond spends the entire film trailing – i.e., “cruising” – villains, the homoeroticism especially apparent with the hot baddie at the airport who checks out buff Bond in the kiosk mirror while seductively trying on shades.

Exhibit B:

The S&M scene between Bond and his nemesis, Mads Mikkelsen’s Le Chiffre, is a ten on the hard-on scale. Stripped naked and tied to a chair, his sculpted and well-oiled muscles glistening in the shadowed lighting, Craig’s 007 is taunted by Mikkelsen’s bullwhip-wielding, sadistic daddy in head-to-toe black. The scene even begins with Le Chiffre approvingly commenting on how well Bond has taken care of his body. Amen.

Exhibit C:

The females in the film are not Bond girls at all – in the sense that Bond girls are bombshells. The merely attractive women are not bodacious head turners like Ursula Andress, and the lead actress exudes nothing that even remotely could be construed as sex appeal. Eva Green’s Vesper Lynd is a polite British girl-next-door, not a Penelope-Cruz-like hot tamale. It is Daniel Craig who is both Bond and bunny. When 007 emerges from the ocean water like a “Sports Illustrated” cover chick, the camera lingers on his ripped torso, the requisite Bond girl he notices on the beach a mere afterthought.

(Though if the advertising for Showtime’s “The Tudors” lives up to its hype, Mr. Craig may face some "stiff" competition from fellow Brit Jonathan Rhys Meyers as Henry the Eighth. Stay tuned. Heads are gonna roll.)